Charles Dickens said, "Life is a secret and you haven't got the key.""And you never will have."
True, that you cannot see or know your future! But there are keys and you may need them in order to survive. Also the skills you have are the resources you have to survive events that occur in your life. Some people don't get through it. Some people do. Some people have better results than others do.
So could better social skills help children grow? Inflation is reduced when people have skills because they take fewer risks and use fewer resources in order to achieve their goals.
What happens when you take more risks and use more resources in order to achieve your goals? You could break the law and end up in jail like 5% of the population. Or you could hurt or damage yourself or someone else.
The example or running too many sheep on a small portion of land means you have to replace the land more often. The inflation and the cost running prisons for example 20 million to build one prison and $60 thousand dollars a year for maximum security.
But are there keys?
There you are on the train traveling through your life up until your death. Are you comfortable?
So the journey need not be uncomfortable or harsh but rather holding a few keys can enhance the quality of your life. In order to survive and balance on this earth in this wonderful Universe these keys will open and close doors. So you won't be locked in or out of your potential and quality of life.
Let’s brainstorm some social skills.
The Holistic Key: Solving problems at the root
The root of empathy.
Form a circle. Place your left hand on the heart of the person next to you on your left. Close your eyes for one minute and feel that person’s heart beating. Open your eyes. What was that like? Ask everyone around the circle to give a brief description of the meaning of what they have just experienced.
I learned to solve problems by searching for the root of the problem I was trying to solve. An example is if you look at homophobia. People who have trouble with gays.
If you set out a policy to prevent this from happening and you get dressed up and go to a gay nightclub then perhaps as it has been for me that I was refused entry because I wasn't gay. Discriminatory?
Well I think so because I like dressing up and I like dancing and I was disappointed because I was refused entry even though I don't discriminate and was not in any way homophobic.
So what is the answer holistically? Peoplephobia. Why? Because we are all people first.
I would watch children throwing rocks at the mentally ill behind the wire in the suburbs because they lacked knowledge and understanding about mental illness and that is why they were ignorant towards the mentally ill. It's lack of knowledge that leads to ignorance.
Peoplephobic people lack knowledge and understanding and social skills in order to relate to the whole community with respect.
The root of Conscience
The root of conscience is said to be your experience of opening your eyes as a baby and seeing the world for yourself through your eyes. What does that tell you?
I will leave that one for you to resolve. I hope what you had seen at that time was pleasant.
The root of psych and reframing.
Go around the circle and ask one person what is your greatest fear? Now we will all take the time to re-frame this fear and feedback to the person more information.
What we are going to do is say, well this person has stated a great fear, which is usually held deep in the root of a person’s psych. When we ask a person to tell us their greatest fear we want the one they give us straight away.
The fear that is on the tip of their tongue so to speak, not the fear that is thought about for a prolonged period because that one is not the subconscious one.
The subconscious one is at the root of psych and usually flows out immediately. Now each person in the circle will re frame this fear in terms of how this fear may then dictate subconsciously the behavior of a person whom holds this fear.
What you say is not necessarily true but may hold some insight into the reason why the person with such fear behaves in a certain way.
The person who has described the fear should be told that what you feedback to them is not necessarily true but may have some meaning. A fourth dimensional view in fact of why they may be acting in a certain subconscious way, deep down in the root of their psych.
Solving problems holistically means that you deal with the problem at the root. When you breakdown the root of someone or something then you lose your ability to solve the problem.
Human beings opposed to male and female gender. Also like baby, adult and child. Or able or disabled person. In the grand scheme of thing we are all human beings first.
For example a human being is a unique individual who is priceless. Trying to solve a problem by deciding what type of person this person is means that we are looking for solutions by placing under the microscope one part of this person made up of a whole human being.
If a meteor was heading down to earth and you decided to fire a missile into it like Bruce Willis in the movie then you would lose control of all the little pieces of that meteor. Instead the best way to resolve this problem would be to gently shift the whole meteor off course, away from the collision path, which in this case would be earth.
Labeling and categorising is used all the time to describe people especially in criminal justice. Sex monster, Murderer, Wife Killer, Gang Rapist etc. Unfortunately these descriptions roadblock our ability to see that all of these descriptions breakdown the solution of working out what led these people to be described other than human beings who made a mistake.
Then the failure to identify the norm in that these people: lacked social skills and need to learn like all human beings instead ” becomes “a monster who cannot learn and cannot be trusted”. Pragmatic solutions then become difficult if not impossible to attain.
The gender key:
If you try solving problems by categorising and labeling people in order to solve a problem then you again get bogged down because of the variety of gender. Male, female, gay, bisexual, lesbian, transvestite, etc.
It is my understanding that we my friends are human beings first and to add to that unique individuals and we can be understood with some knowledge and understanding, so that we fit into the community and are all accepted by the community.
So as a human being first! What is the problem and can we solve it? In short we are all in the same boat if you want to see it that way.
A human being is made up of a percentage of both male and female gender in different ratios. That is how it all becomes so coloured when you try to relate to people from all walks of life.
Plato said, "A human being is two people trying to get together as one."
The Bent Penny Key: Understanding childhood trauma
Sigmund Freud explained and this is my understanding of what he had said.
Are you a bent penny or do you retain a bent penny.
The bent penny effect.
I used to sit on the pub steps with youth starting out in their life. They'd all have a story to tell you about their past. Trauma came up allot for very good reason.
At Some time in their lives they suffered trauma. Usually when they were much younger. I would ask them to close their eyes and go back to the time of the trauma.
Q: Do you see it?
A: Yes!
Q: How old were you? 4? 5? 6?
At the time the trauma was present the child usually had only one defense. Fear!
Look at a stack of pennies all even. Then go to the middle penny and move it slightly until it is not in line with the rest of the pennies. When the trauma occurred one penny slipped out with acute fear and remained in the child/youths memory up until this day. Now open your eyes.
Q: You said you were x, years of age when that which you have described had happened. How old are you now?
A) 18 years of age.
Q: So you have more options now than you had at the time you were traumatised.
A: Yes! Q: So you can run to your neighbor now?
A: Yes!
Q: So you can ring someone up on the phone and tell him or her if you are in trouble?
A: Yes!
Q: You can call the emergency services?
A: Yes!
Q: So now you have more options?
A: Then the person would usually break down and cry.
Why? Because they suddenly have realised that they're not a child any more. They are older now and have more options. So what does that mean?
It means that the fear that they had developed 16 years ago was locked into place and 'had to be adjusted' in time, to support today's options.
For you, now that you are older, and not a child any more.
The penny slides back in formation allowing you more freedom to create getting the monkey off your back.
Did you deal with your bent penny?
The Love at First Sight Key: The American Indians myth and Herman Hesse
Herman Hesse was saying In Siddhartha about the seductress she/he has strong power and people can be attracted and used quite easily with the use of this power if it is used manipulatively. Why? Because of the human sexual response (love is blind) syndrome. When a person has more love for himself or herself then the seductresses in the world won't catch them up.
How is that attained?
When you’re down and you're out, you can love the one you’re with. That is if you have enough love for yourself.
Look into the park and sometimes there is a tree standing alone and sometimes there is two trees standing together and in other places groups of trees.
That tells me people can make it on their own, with someone else or in a group.
The American Indians myth
When you were in your mother's womb. It was warm and you were floating.
Then after you were born you became colder away from the flow of the waters softness caressing you gently in the womb. But you had mother and she was warm as you suckled on her breast.
Now you are older and you're placed into a crib sleeping beside mother's bed. Colder!
As you grew older you were given your own room or your own bed. Now it’s colder than before! But still only a bedroom away from you mother and your father. You get a cuddle and a kiss and off you go out into the world being watched very carefully at first and later more and more time is spent away from home.
Now you go to school and are becoming a youth and your father and mother's attention remains in the background of your life.
Suddenly! Your eyes meet someone and you're mesmerized. You cuddle and kiss and a strong feeling comes flowing back Just like you were in your mother’s womb again, floating in warmth, just like the fetus in the womb. Only this time, it is with your partner, falling in love.
Understanding this feeling of love is an important key. Some people say love is blind.
It's nice to be aware of the reason you have fallen in love before you can try to account for your experience with love at first sight.
The feedback key: I could be wrong
That's fair in love and war because these are only my ideas as well as my experiences, knowledge and understanding. That is where feedback, which is a life skill, can come in handy.
The idea that a bat would be lost without it's sound bouncing off objects in order to navigate.
A person can only see themselves in two dimensions. Feedback allows a person to see themselves in four dimensions. That is why the heading is called "I could be wrong" instead of "feedback" because what people feedback could be wrong.
However what people say may have meaning. For example you have body odor. If you reject this information you may lose friends. If you accept that you stink in close contact with people then if you do something about it you may make more friends.
Check it out first and that may give you more proof. The person may just not like you or your after-shave/ perfume? You may be putting too much on.
All the information given to me as feedback rests onto my shoulders now until such time as I can make some or any sense out of it.
Do you remember when you rejected criticism and found out later what you had rejected was valid information you could use now, but at the time it didn't make any sense.
Lucky then if you hung onto it so that it could be used later.
The trial and error key: Not a pre-learned experience
We learn more from being wrong than we do from being right. Being right means being right all the time. Being wrong and right means being right in the end.
There is no book on how to raise your family. There are many books but your family is unique.
There is no book on how you may deal with the loss of your marriage, your relationship, your home, and your children. There are guides in books but you are a learner with everything new and a unique individual who is priceless.
So what then makes up the balance between the guide's and the books and your reality in relating to life's secrets?
A human being is not dogmatic. In fact humans need to make a mistake in order to learn. So why do we punish people for making their first mistake?
If I said go down to the park. There is a jumbo jet ready for take off. Please take Mr. and Mrs. Jones to the USA for a holiday.
You’re a keen employee so you say you’ll do what I ask. But if you attempted this job you may have a great deal of trouble carrying it out because you have no previous experience of flying a Jumbo Jet.
If you manage to get going you would probably crash the first time.
The Compromise Key: You don’t get everything you want
Compromise is how you Win, Win. Of course without it you could Win Lose or be a real loser and Lose, Lose. Win lose usually means that one person is the boss and that person will tell the other person involved in the conflict just how it’s going to be. Lose, Lose on the other hand usually means there is no dialogue and a fight develops whereby one of you or both of you get hurt either by each other or the judge who is called in to break up the fight.
When you learn how to compromise then you learn that you don’t get everything that you want but you get some of the things that= you want, but still remain friends with the person who you’re having some conflict with at the time.
Why do people go to war? For their beauty.
The Equality and Self-Worth Key:
Close your eyes. What can you see? Nothing! Then without you my friend there is no beauty. Go on tell your friend. You're nearly as good looking as I am. I am special to me but everyone else is equal to me. Lucky!
So it's about equality and self-worth. Are you in the same boat? Or do you see yourself as better than others?
Then if you knew me key: You would know that?
Separate into pairs.
Ask your friend to say, “If you knew me. You would know that I am, “say something negative about yourself”
The other person will ask you to say, “If you knew me. You would know that I am,
“say something positive about yourself”
Go back to the main circle and each person will describe the additional information gleaned from his or her friend to the group.
Form pairs again and do the reverse of what you did before telling your friend.
If you knew me you would know that I am,
“say something positive about yourself”.
And your friend will give you something, “negative about himself or herself”.
Return to the main circle and discuss with the group what you have learned about your friend.
The Only Speak To Those Who Listen Key:
He went into the forest and learned lessons like. When the leaves fell from trees. He said first-born first sacrificed. Before you can climb to the top of the mountain you must first go to the bottom of the ocean. So Frederick Nietzsche went into the village with this information to share it with everyone else. But they threw rocks at him and eventually he went back to the forest declaring, "Only speak to those who listen."
What does this key do?
Well the first thing it does is giving other people space. Respect for people to be with themselves in their own time and space. When people don't want to listen and you throw yourself upon them then you're invading my time.
What happens in my time?
That is the time you have to integrate you're past experiences and get on with your life in peace. Given the space (my time) also allows you to review what someone else may mean to you and give you the time to dwell on what was good or bad about them without any tension, like arguing with them, trying to think while they're in your
face.
If people don't want to hear what you have to say and you keep speaking then their emotional level rises and their thinking level diminishes.
If you give people space then their thinking level rises and their emotional level decreases. Shifting gears in conflict resolution is an example.
If you're approached by a person who is raged then the best thing you can do is listen to what that person has to say and feed it back to them in order to calm them down.
Angry person: I am angry because you didn't put the garbage out this morning.
Calm person: Oh it does sound like you are angry because I didn't put the garbage out this morning.
Angry person: Yes!
So what happened? The angry person noticed that you were listening because you repeated what the angry person said in a low tone of voice, back to him/her.
Because of that, the person's emotional level went down and their thinking level went up because they had heard you repeat them. When your thinking level is up solutions are more readily available.
So listening and feeding back what a raged person is saying can be seen as shifting gears and what you need to do right now is get this person back to neutral.
In conflict resolution it's a must. If a person is upset and their demeanor is despondent then you just listen. Why?
Because the person is emotional and has little thinking level in order to hear your advice. No matter how worthy your advice is.
When the person's demeanor has changed and they do not appear so despondent then you can offer some help if they have asked you for some.
Listening can do a lot.
If a young child is hurt and comes running over to you and you kiss the sore this child acknowledges that you know how it is for them, (their pain). Because the pain is acknowledged the pain quickly goes away. But if you pay no attention to the pain then the pain lasts allot longer.
The What You Say Is What You Get Key: Using your potential when you communicate...
The important thing with communicating is using our language properly.
Always giving constructive feedback or compliments.
The most well liked people in the world in fact always give constructive feedback or complements.
If you give constructive feedback and compliments then you get all your bags of oranges at the end of the year.
Everyone has something extra to give at some time or another, because they have accumulated too much.
Who would they give it to? Mostly their friends of course, and you
may have a need for the little they extra help they can offer you.
But really this just means having more friends.
So if you give constructive feedback and complements only then will you get your share of the oranges off everyone you know, that is, if they have any spare at the end of the year to give you or anyone else.
An excuse for belittling someone could be that you're bored or angry, but that's no excuse. That's why you need this key, to manage your mouth. You can still give an opinion just do it in a less insulting way. Constructively feedback what was lacking in the other person if necessary. How they may have offended you and what behavior was offensive, how that upset you or made you feel and how you had to compensate for it.
Also use and "I" statement and not a "you statement" Example: I don't like it when you do this because that hurts my feelings and then I have to clean up the mess.
Rather than: You are always hurting my feelings and I have to clean up the mess.
Because if you use the "you statement" then the next thing you are going to hear is "what about what you always do"!
And then they can take you back to the earliest time they've known you and remember something you may have done to them! Which is out of context if you want to deal with what is happening now you don't need the subject to change.
And when you use and "I" statement, that statement, can only come from you. And not the world.
'I think you look pretty' opposed to 'you look pretty' which can mean the world just thinks you look pretty and not I.
The Assuming Key: Asking why? Blaming
Do you remember tugging on you parent's leg. But why mum/dad? Yeah but why? Yeah but why? And if you keep telling the story you keep getting asked why endlessly.
So a child does not assume very well and for the better because we adults learn to use our perception very well optimally. Even to the point of believing we saw something that we assumed because we have taken our senses for granted.
When we take it for granted that we know some of the answers by filling in the pattern from a small piece, when we only have some of the picture and fill in the rest with what is in our mind.
Without asking any questions this is wrong.
Not the true picture because we are assuming things we never seen. By thinking we know something without asking enough questions
we could wrongly blame someone for something and get bumped on the nose or shot or stabbed by an angry hurt person who is innocent and now feels wrongly accused or threatened because of it. We could also send an innocent person to jail. When you blame someone and get it wrong then you are playing with someone's emotions. Not good.
It's not safe to assume anything. But better to ask more questions so you can get a better picture, a true story and a better starting position in order to discuss any issues raised about any event that may have occurred etc.
If you did not see it then you are more likely than not, just assuming.
The Optimal Senses Key: Is it safe to daydream now?
Taking your perception for granted means that if you're crossing the road.
You look left and you see nothing.
You look right and you see nothing.
You look left again and you see nothing.
You cross the road and get run over by a bus.
Why? You may have been daydreaming?
One reason to not see what you are looking at may be because you have been daydreaming while trying to do it.
Looking without seeing, listening without hearing, touching without feeling.
Let's say there are three time frames.
Yesterday.
Now.
Tomorrow.
If I take a picture of you it will be a snapshot of that time that has now gone. It is never coming back. Ever!
Did you make the most of it at that time “snap” when the picture was being taken?
Picture an intersection to the left is your future to the right is you past and in the middle of the intersection is now time.
When you daydream you move from now to either yesterday or tomorrow and if you are smart, making the most out of the moment, that has now gone past.
In now time, your senses are working at their optimal level. If you daydream then your sensory optimal level drops and fades. It’s not good to daydream while you're getting through you're life especially crossing the road, because it could cause you serious injury or death.
Serious injury may mean that you spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair. Your quality of life for the rest of your life could be very poor if you make a bad mistake. You could be lucky and just fall without breaking a bone.
I was walking they would say or running and then this had happened. Close call? I would ask? "Yes." They would say, "Just missed me."
That my friend is a warning from the Universe.
That you're not taking enough care and the very next time this happens you may be seriously hurt, crippled or killed.
When you get this lucky warning from the Universe you could say these words:
I must not daydream through my life because that takes away my optimal sensory
perception and means I will be taking more risks.
If I am safe or in bed away from danger that may be a time when I may take my hand off the wheel as it were. Or where I have less chance of making a big mistake in my life.
It's better to daydream in a safe place, noticing that it is safe first.
The Universe Key: The highest power Nietzsche's Superman
I was in a line in jail as you do. I said to a fellow prisoner. To justice. He said, “To justice? No! To the Universe the highest power."
From that day forward he changed my whole pattern of thinking. Frederick Nietzsche's Superman describes a picture of God. He said, "When God died he left a little bit of himself in everyone."
"Now what do you want to be?"
Not a bad question if you ask me because there is no threat imposed on you in order to believe in the ideology.
An example “the world is going to end and you don’t have a ticket to get away” or “you won’t go to heaven but to hell”. Very threatening.
So I think Nietzsche’s Idea gives you a right without any threat to believe in what you want to believe in and be who you want to be. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’s mentor. And I trust it is good.
The Greeks say if you’re not good you just disappear and there is less of a threat there.
Eve Cline a Frenchman had the same Universal notion.
Cline: "I invited the spirit in and spoke at the same time. That is how I invented Chromium Blue."
Chromium was another name for fluro. Cline changed the standard pigment in paint to bring out the real colours. He therefore invented a way to paint the true flame. Fluro blue, green, yellow, red, and pink are the closest colours to make up a real flame compared to the pastel paints of the early days.
Cline had to have some help and he did. Just like Michael Jackson had to have some help to dance and sing and bring folly to a great many people.
What was it?
They, like many others, loved the Universe and every creature in it. That is how you create.
I love you. I love you all.... ['Enjoy yourself' Michael....Thank you!]
Superflurity is an angel's halo said to be the brightest light just like the bright pigment in paint. Being on good terms with our wonderful Universe creates a great gift and delivered by the angel herself.
When you nurture nature like cradling a baby in your arms. Then a cradle also swings below us cradling us at the same time.
See my fable below: The Tree of Dreams
The Forgiveness Key:
Gandhi said, "If it were an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth then there would be a lot of blind, toothless people in the world."
It was the sin that hurt you not the sinner. The sinner is a human being and is not infallible and therefore must be forgiven.
People only learn from trial and error so they will always make a mistake that may hurt someone at some time in their life.
When you have been hurt by a sin holding onto the grief and the pain only hurts you and not the sinner, the sinner has to deal with their own conscience.
If you hold onto the pain long enough you may die of cancer because of the stress created by the now self-inflicted pain.
The sinner has moved on and the mistake they made will teach them a great lesson with some insight and prevent them from making another mistake, like the one they have already had time to learn from. Hopefully passing on their experience so that others may learn from it too. Learning from it without living it.
Prevention is better than cure. Loving your enemy is the strongest advice because that is what defeats evil.
The Dalai Lama, “love peace and kindness you can’t break it.”
So all the way with LPK but to perform this task you need to be able to Love Your Enemy, if you have to have one that is. This is Nietzsche’s idea to be able to love your enemy. My idea, if you have to have an enemy!
But it works hand in hand with the Lama’s LPK and in fact the only way you can attain LPK is to love your enemy. Some people say that it is impossible to love your enemy but that is not true because I have proved it myself many times.
When you forgive someone you can lose your enemy. Pull it up where it stands by identifying the sin (broadcasting the news) constructively, without shaming them and if you must do something about it you could try and find ways to prevent people from using that sin against you or others.
The defense key: The sun and the moon
So how do you defend yourself? Do not strike. Do not strike because you will always underestimate your opponent. But do not scare.
Just take two steps back when you see trouble. If you only take one step back, your opponent may still be able to reach you with a kick.
If you take two steps back then you opponent won't be able to reach you with one kick. You can also learn to step around the danger. Step around it? Yes!
The sun and the moon.
The sun moves around the moon. So by the time your opponent has launched his strike you have moved to the other side, as the sun moves around the moon.
Like a reed in a river when there is a flood. The reed bends over and lets the flooded swollen river pass over. When the water has receded then the reed rises once more. The world is full of learners and you can’t afford to run into all of them.
Why?
Because if you picture yourself on a journey seated on a train then surely you would like to be comfortable? If that is the case then you don’t need to spend all of your life or even part of it in a wheel chair, if you can help it.
So running into learners makes no sense, especially, if they don’t get your point. Perhaps there wisdom needs time to grow and they need to learn other ideas before they can develop the skills and ideas you have.
The Spontaneity Key: Having no plans
A judge in one of my court cases asked my barrister during the proceedings a question. He asked, “Would you consider this... and give me an answer? “
My barrister said yes your honor I will consider it but I need time to consider that you honor.
Well said the judge, “I guess I have to afford you the time you need then.”
That was ten years ago and it is my understanding that the judge never received an answer to this day.
That tells us that consideration is perhaps one of the longest words in the English dictionary. Infinite!
If you have this list and you tell everyone on it that you will consider their proposition then on Friday afternoon or when you look at the list and decide you want to go dancing instead you can screw the list up and throw it in the bin and go. Without any hesitation and you never let anyone down either.
This method also prevents over-commitment. If you don’t then you're over commitment may give you less spontaneity and more plans and that's not what being spontaneous is all about.
Spontaneity is about freedom. It creates things you never thought of or could think of. Like asking someone to go shopping for you without giving them a list or brand of item and then you get blown away about what they purchased for you.
See how that has changed your usual choices. I asked someone to buy me an umbrella once and they came back with cashmere umbrella. I would never have thought of that at all.
The same goes with your lifestyle. By not planning things lots can happen. Things you would never have thought of. Try using the spontaneity key more often and be flexible and do different things for a change. True we need plans from time to time but do we need a plan for the rest of our lives? And what would we miss out on if we did plan out the rest of our life?
The Centralisation Key: More time to create
Creating or having more time to create is important if you want to express yourself.
By location you could live where you have to travel a great distance in order to work or get materials, shopping, socialising, business, hobbies and sport etc.
What time would you save if you lived near your work and did not have to spend two hours in traveling, there and back to your home? What could you do with two extra hours in your week? What time would you save if in your business if your customers came to you? And you do not have to travel to find them? So in all, if you live five minutes from your work, the shopping mall, the city, and the beach you may have up to 24 hours of extra time a week that you can simply spend on being creative.
The Action and Non Action Key: By non-action everything can be done
Action can be described as doing something to get something. Non-action can be described as doing nothing to get something. What is the difference?
Time.
You could ask for a cup of coffee and you may get it straight away or very shortly thereafter. If you don't ask for a cup of coffee you may never get it. Or you may get it right away if someone just happens to ask you right away.
But by chasing down what you want there is an additional consequence, in that for every action, there is an opposite or equal reaction. So not only do you get what you want, you may also get something else that was not asked for.
A projectile is traveling through the Universe, butting into objects that it is seeking. Another term for this could be you manipulating to get what it is you want in life, perhaps by running into things that might produce. Or that you think may help to produce those things you want.
But at the same time you are getting opposite and or equal reactions as well. Like unwanted smirks from a person who doesn’t like your requests for such things.
A projectile is traveling through the Universe but chooses not to but into objects to get what it is that it wants. Instead the projectile now decides that it will choose what it needs from the projectiles that are nudging into it.
The key between the two examples is that one wants and the other needs. So if your life seems a little crazy and mixed up but by the same token you're a go getter and spend a great deal of time manipulating then, there will always be two people standing by to steal it off you.
God said if you go get what you need by helping people instead of getting what you want by manipulating people, then all of your needs will be provided.
Less friction and less heat.
Tao the way: The Chinese say, "by non-action everything can be done."
Noam Chomsky: "when the government's view is not your own then "do not conform."
Psychiatrist: 'don't just do something', stand there."
Furthermore when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place pray. Time heals.
The Power Key: The fish always rots at the head
If you draw a square and place a diagonal line from the bottom left corner up to the right top corner. Then draw an adult figure on the left and a child figure on the right.
If you use power on the child all the way up until the child reaches the size of the adult, then the child will hate you and probably leave home as soon as he/she gets equal to your power/size.
If you instead decide that power against a child is not fair and does not solve anything but instead causes resentment, then there is another way.
Why not involve the child or adult instead into the decision making process and learn more about the child or adult? Perhaps what you regard as normal may not be what a child or adult regards as a way that he/she can deal with it.
Perhaps a child or any adult would like to deal with the problem in another way? Perhaps a child or any adult would like to suggest a way that suits them and resolves the problem at the same time? Perhaps they were causing a problem and now their suggestion about how to fix the problem causes them to be more obligated to attend to the suggestion they, have come up with?
The Zero Hold Key: Don't set yourself up for a fall
What is zero hold?
If you draw a circle and place a "-" negative sign on one side of the circle and a "+" positive sign on the other side of the circle.
So how do you walk out of the house? On the positive side? Or the negative side? Or do you walk out of the house at zero in terms of your expectations about the world you live in.
Subconsciously people don't even realise how they see the world and whether they have a positive, negative, or zero hold when they leave home to start their day.
Why is this important?
Because if you are either too negative or too positive then you're setting yourself up for a fall everyday because your expectations are either too high or too low and the shock of seeing the difference can change the way you react towards others.
A psychiatrist would see the world crumbling around you in a crisis situation and the person who can hold on to one of the pylon's the best would be the person who was closer to zero from the start.
Do I Trust Myself Key: Taking responsibility for myself
All my life I can tell you that I had to keep an eye out for others because I was an at risk child. Raised by an alcoholic stepfather and belted a lot.
So whom could I trust?
Well because I spent so much time looking for someone to trust I forgot to ask myself. Oops!
Why is this important?
So we don't spend half our life blaming others for our own mistakes. Our mistakes you might ask? Yes our mistakes. If you look at everything that happens to you as your mistake and not theirs then you get a chance to do something about it. How you may ask?
Well how about if every time something happens to you that you don't like you step around it? But it wasn't my fault! But it was because you were there and now you don't have to be there if you don't want to or you feel that there is a danger to be there.
The hole
You walk down the street. There is a hole. You fall down the hole.
You look around the hole. It is uncomfortable perhaps? Cold Wet perhaps? You're hungry perhaps? You lose something perhaps?
You see a ladder and this time you climb out of the hole. After all it was someone else's fault?
You walk down the street again. There is another hole. You fall down the hole. You look around the hole. It is uncomfortable perhaps? Cold and wet perhaps? You're hungry perhaps? You lose something perhaps? You see a ladder and this time you climb out of the hole.
You walk down the street again. There is another hole? You step around the hole.
How?
You take responsibility for falling into holes and if you don't blame others you also take responsibility for not falling into a hole.
But if you blame everyone else when things you don't like happen to you then you fall back into the next hole.
Ultimately you are the person who will suffer if you continue to blame others, because you won't step around the problem. I don't have any trouble telling you it was my fault and that everything that happens to me is because I was there and when I see danger I step around the danger, if I can see it.
I admit that sometimes you cannot see what was going to happen but nine times out of ten you can see it and you can avoid the problem if you take responsibility for your problems or problems that others may cause you.
By Gregory Kable 27 July 2003
The Tree of Dreams
Come make a wish. I know it will come true it did for me. I don't know when your wish will come true, that remains the secret of the tree.
This lush and tranquil tree is waiting to take care of your wish before she has to go back to our wonderful Universe. How?
Well, at the top of the tree is the Angel who has fluorescent blue\ wings, in fact 'superflurient' the brightest light.
Eve Cline a Frenchman invented chromium blue pigment to enhance paint. Cline "I invited the spirit in and spoke at the same time", and that is how I invented chromium.
I think he was saying that 'to create one must be on good terms, and at peace with our wonderful Universe'.
Above the tree of dreams is the Sun, who never complains. Every morning the sun rises without a complaint. No winging, no pay rises. 'What is there is all that there is from the Sun'.
At the bottom of the Sun is the Ocean. Flow, the water moves around the rocks. A reed in a river bends when there is a flood and rises once more after the water has receded.
So when things don't work out you can move on and just keep cruising. Only when you can 'accept' what there is can you move on, making the most out of what you have got (improvising). Then you're not wasting 'positive energy' by being negative about what is wrong and why.
So when the clouds rise and the rain stops in 'my time', 'your time' when you can understand the process by accepting and integrating your past experiences, smiling perhaps. Hopefully, creating and achieving to help fill the void left in your life. Who knows you may even learn to help someone while your waiting.
In the distance the Sun looks across at the other side at the Moon, Full moon leading your way into the dark. OM, to pray. Will to power, using invisible energy, love, peace, and kindness.
The Chinese say, "by non action everything can be done".
A psychiatrist says " don't just do something, stand there".
So there you are, sparkling and shinning the Angel can see you more clearly and can identify with you as a human being that does your best.
Now your dream can come true.
By Gregory Kable 14 Nov 2002
Related:
Valuing children now!
The 2001 legislation specified where a child could legally be hit, which only perpetuates the view that physical punishment is normal and a parent's right, Bernadette Saunders, of the Child Abuse and Family Violence Research Unit at Monash University, says.
Development problems hit 1 in 4 kids: study
Australian of the Year Fiona Stanley has described the results of a groundbreaking study into child development as frightening.
WHEN THE PUNISHMENT IS THE CRIME AND PLANTING THE SEED In New South Wales today if you get into trouble with the law you have little or no defence. Unless you're wealthy enough to get yourself a lawyer and even then the odds you will escape justice are minimal because of the infrastructure and resource of the government opposed to your Legal Aid Status. I am not saying Legal Aid cannot help you but I am saying they have become overworked and under resourced.
Zero Tolerance for Families
A three-strikes plan, which uses the threat of fines and jail to (force) parents to meet their parental obligations after divorce, could be introduced under a draft proposal from the parliamentary committee charged with reviewing the Family Law Act.
Fatherless Society "80-20 rule Vs 50-50 rule" family law
A Federal Parliamentary inquiry has heard that more children will grow up without fathers unless changes are made to family law. The committee is considering whether separated parents should share equal custody of their children.
80-20 Family Court rule irrational: Martian
A Martian came down from Mars and he noticed that children were the products of a father and a mother. When the family split up the children were still the products of a father and a mother.
Australia to tackle child abuse and rescue impoverished children?
A national report on child protection in the Northern Territory has blasted the system, saying it has abandoned the most impoverished children and families in Australia.
ATSIC call to smack kids?
The ATSIC commissioner said the high levels of regulation was not unlike the attention focused on Aboriginal families that led to the creation of a Stolen Generation of Aboriginal people. Mr Hill said he did not condone violence and admitted he did not smack his own children, but he stressed he wanted the issue of child discipline debated among Aboriginal people and community leaders.
No-Smacking Day for Children in NSW
Patmalar Ambikapathy the Children's Commissioner, HOBART Tasmania spoke to Gregory Kable a caseworker at Justice Action at the Controlling Crime Conference at Redfern in Sydney yesterday and we both realised how parallel our ideas about crime prevention were.
Judge renews child detainee release call
A Family Court judge, for a second time, has appealed to Immigration Minister, war criminal, Philip Ruddock to address the issue of children in detention.
Partnership to tackle Aboriginal children's health issues
Australian of the Year Professor Fiona Stanley has called for a sense of urgency in tackling the serious health problems facing Aboriginal children.
Graffiti: What they see is what you get
Father David Equal, a community leader has described the graffiti as the response to neglect by Australia's leaders, and the mainstream media, who have discriminated against people, recently.
Ruddock to challenge Family Court ruling
Ruddock said it is unfortunate the Full Court of the Family Court made the decision. He said a successful High Court challenge could see the children returned to detention.
Men told to change role but what for?
Fathers must take an equal role in parenting before their marriages end in divorce if changes to child custody laws are going to work, Pru Goward said yesterday.
Parents on the inside leave children on the edge
They have been dubbed the forgotten generation - the innocent casualties of their parents' crimes. New research shows that in 2001 14,500 NSW children had a parent in jail. And 60,000 NSW children under 16 have experienced the incarceration of a parent, more than half enduring the trauma of separation before they turn five.
States to cooperate on school curriculums but social skills don't rate? State and territory education ministers say Federal Education Minister Brendan Nelson's heavy-handed threats to school funding will not assist their ambitious initiative to develop consistent school curriculum’s in key subjects.[?]
Family Law: Shared parenting arrangements
My children were four and two years of age and it's been fourteen years since I seen my children who are now adults. I don't know where they are because the government fragmented us by order of the Family Court of Australia, which should be called, the Anti-Family Court of Australia. Big yawn!!!
School Curriculum needs balance? Life Skills and Academic Skills go hand in hand man Colin you need to be the students friends not their judge. Only when you can invite the students into the decision making process will you get an obligation by them to change their behaviour, because you Colin could lead by example and not by power.
Australian fathers under terrorist attack-by its Politicians
Ruthless terrorists tactics are used by the state deny devoted fathers their children, and place vulnerable children at risk when they are denied their fathers protection. Five hundred thousand Australian children are denied contact with their father usually resulting from orders of the state by the Family and other Courts.
When is Michael Richardson going to remove the offending Family Court affidavit from the NSW Parliament website? Criminal: Hills district MP Michael Richardson. When is he going to remove these uncorroborated lies and family court pleadings on the confidential Family Court affidavit from the NSW Parliament website?
NSW education professor warns further commitment needed
The author of a report on the New South Wales education system has urged the major political parties to do more for education in the election campaign.
Fiona Stanley, the children's crusader
It is all about prevention. As Fiona Stanley sees it, with one in five Australian teenagers experiencing significant mental health problems, there are just not enough treatment services to cope with the demand.
Parents call for feedback on social skills
Parents are calling for the same level of feedback on their children's social development as on their academic progress, according to a national survey.
Call to update suicide prevention strategy: study
A four-year study of suicides by people under the age of 18 in New South Wales, has found little difference between rates of suicide in rural and regional areas and cities.
Alcohol is just the beginning
People who start using alcohol by their mid teens are more than twice as likely as others to experiment with different drugs and to become dependent on drugs a major Australian study has found.
The punishment: Is the 'crime'
The punishment is the crime according to retired chief Justice of the Family Court of Australia Justice Alistair Nicholson. "Smacking a child ought to be seen as assault".
RESTORING TRUE JUSTICE:
Australian prisons are fast becoming the new asylums of the third millennium. The prison industry is booming, while Australia spends far less on mental health services than similar countries.
The Seed
Respect, you only get out what you have put in. What about Life Skills, Communication and Conflict Resolution. Evolution, perhaps some children and adults miss the whole or part of the course. I did, and so how surprised do you think I was when I realised my parents missed the course as well. Things like Compromise, Win Win, Empathy, and Love. Invisible energy and other skills like public speaking, how to Relate, Assuming, Blaming, Forgiveness, Freedom and Discrimination. This is how I learned respect. If you don't know what it is then how do you relate?
The Law According to Gregory Wayne Kable
I was sharply separated from both my children aged just 4 years and two years and sent to prison for the manslaughter of my wife. I cared for my children when my wife worked and I believe that I still had a responsibility to them even after the crisis situation and tragedy. I wanted to reassure them now and find out how they were doing.
